dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
