I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
