So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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