Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
