you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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