i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
