How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
