I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize