she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
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