He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize