she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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