Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
