very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
