Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize