Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need water and some morals
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
