Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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