sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
