he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
