Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
