It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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