Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
