Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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