It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
