I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I supernannyed him into submission
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
