its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just invented taco cereal.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
