I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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