Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
