I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
