So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
handjob tips. give me some.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize