Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
