i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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