I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
