The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
