come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
