I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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