Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
