I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
