weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
