It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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