I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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