i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All I want is dick and wine.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
