I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
