also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize