I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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