I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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