I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
