we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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