so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
