dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
