I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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