My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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