i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
