He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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