in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
