Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
