I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
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