I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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