the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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