new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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