Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
