I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
