I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
