just tell him i said nine months
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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