I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
