I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize