I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
