If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
