my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
