maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
