Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize