I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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