If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
