My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
