At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
