i jhust puked up my retainher.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
