My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
