Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
