I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
