totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
