I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
