Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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