I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
