How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
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