I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
