You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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