i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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