You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
